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Thursday, February 7th, 2002
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2:43 pm
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I didn't go to school today, mainly because I have been wondering what the hell happened to reality. Apparently someone figured out how to make it rain shit on my existence, and all because I refuse to be a pawn in this chaotic game called life? Fine, be like that, really. My family is in complete turmoil, I'm not exactly having the best of times on my own, and to top it off, it just stopped mattering to me, I just stopped caring. About everything. Nothing goes better with trying to read yourself to sleep than the sounds of crying in the distance. Nothing goes better with someone who wants to be good and do something right for a change in such a horrible world than being dealt a hand that nobody in their right mind would try and play. But of course, I lie forgotten among the rubble of this, and I can't ever really talk about it. Because a good deal of the people I know only want to tell me their problems, and not reciprocate at all. All I ever asked for was someone to keep me company, someone to remind me why I should want to be real, someone to keep me wanting to be alive. All I ever got for asking for that was pain and havoc and chaos. Perhaps this the way it was meant to be. I do really hope that people aren't shaped by their environments. I don't want to inspire pain. Where is my happiness? Why did I get left out? Sometimes, the only place I can find comfort, is when looking into a toilet bowel with tears streaming down my face. Pretty fucking ironic.
In conclusion, I would like to add, that men don't, never did, and never will understand women. They're all selfish and only think about what they want. Who cares about anyone else?
current mood:  gloomy
current music: The Faint - Violent
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